THEY played the Benny Hill theme tune to entertain the crowd when a bunch of school kids staged a race around the perimeter of the Wembley pitch.
Yet so farcical was the gap in technique between England and their illustrious visitors that they probably ought to have played it during the match.
Jake Livermore will be able to talk about the night he was nutmegged by Neymar before he grabbed Dani Alves in a headlock.
And Eric Dier can recall the time he wore the captain’s armband while being used as a training-ground bollard.
The Portuguese-raised Dier, at least, could congratulate the Brazilians on their tekkers in their own tongue.
And John Stones, whose hometown club Barnsley used to play like Brazil, did not look out of place on the same turf as them.
But while they say football is a universal language, most of this tossed-together England team will have needed Google Translate to read most of Brazil’s passes.
All this suggests that England are developing a certain steeliness. Successive clean sheets against two of the world’s top three teams is not to be sniffed at.
LIAM’S CANCER FIGHT Former Manchester United and Celtic star Liam Miller, 36, ‘battling cancer and has been undergoing treatment in the US’
But after the encouragement of Friday night’s decent showing against Germany, this performance was something of a reality check – just in case any England fans were thinking of packing too many pairs of knickers for their trip to Russia next summer.
Of course, with Italy and Holland having failed to even qualify, the English should be relieved to even be there at a time when players as limited, if spirited, as Livermore and Dier are asked to anchor the midfield.
LATEST ENGLAND NEWS
But these Brazilians have been infused with a stiff dose of pure joy since the horrors of their semi-final annihilation at their own World Cup.
They will rank alongside France and Germany as the mostly likely champions in Moscow next July – meaning there should be a certain pride in this scoreline for an England side who will be rank outsiders with bookies from neutral countries.
Brazil’s 7-1 showing by Germany has faded in the consciousness of a football-obsessed nation – with only Real Madrid left-back Marcelo surviving from that starting line-up to this one.
With Neymar, Gabriel Jesus and Philippe Coutinho now strung together along their forward line like some sort of constellation, this Brazilian team certainly has enough stardust to emulate their last world champions of 2002.
Here Paris St Germain’s £198million new boy Neymar, in particular, was in beguiling form.
There was that early nutmeg on Livermore, then the time he sent the West Brom man for his half-time Bovril a few minutes early and then the stepover he foxed him with while running at full pelt in the second half.
Perhaps best of all was a stupidly languid outside-of-the-boot pass to release Paulinho.
Yet England’s back three, with Stones at the centre, lived to tell the tale and that, in itself, made this a worthwhile exercise.
It was fair to say that Neymar, the man in the truly iconic marigold No 10 shirt had passed the ‘yeah but can he do it on a cold Tuesday by the North Circular test?’
And some of his YouTube moments will have sent many thousands of school kids home happy.
Not that it’s always easy being the £35million-a-year most expensive footballer on the planet.
Neymar had dissolved into tears last week, in frustration at what he believes is fake news about his strained relationship with PSG boss Unai Emery and his fellow forward Edinson Cavani.
After stepping out of his Barcelona comfort zone, he is having teething troubles as the frontman for Qatar’s footballing vehicle in the French capital.
After his brilliant collaboration with Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez at Barcelona, it is extra responsibility for the Brazilian kid to take centre stages for PSG.
Yet when you have carried the hopes of Brazil at a World Cup – before being kicked out of the competition in the quarter-final as Neymar was – pressure tends to come with the big fat pay cheque.
It’s not that England didn’t have their moments, though – like when Marcus Rashford span round an opponent and into the Brazilian box midway through the second half.
It was just the ease with which Brazil flicked and back-heeled their way around the Wembley pitch like Mother Nature’s chosen ones.
At times, it was reminiscent of the old Nike advert when Ronaldinho, Ronaldo & Co had a kickabout by an airport baggage carousel.
The contrast with Southgate’s team, who have been instilled with some admirable footballing principles by their manager, is what made you realise how far away England are from being contenders.
Still, Brazil couldn’t score – although Fernandinho drilled an effort against the post and Paulinho forced a smart save from Joe Hart.
Yet if these two sides should meet in Russia, with their game faces on and when it really matters, you fancy they’d find a way.
Leave a comment