ENGLAND can shuffle the pack or move the pieces – but the outcome remains the same. They are often rubbish at batting.
The new-look order, with Joe Root and Jonny Bairstow promoted and Jos Buttler recalled, succumbed tamely on the opening day of the international summer.
Pakistan’s skilled seam and swing bowlers exploited helpful conditions and swept England aside for 184 all out in just 58.2 overs.
It wasn’t quite the rubble of Auckland in March – when England were reduced to 27-9 by New Zealand – but it was a miserable effort.
Certainly not the start new chief selector Ed Smith was expecting.
And definitely not the way to erase memories of a harrowing winter, during which England lost five of their seven Test matches.
Nobody was more culpable that captain Root himself as he unnecessarily chased a very wide ball and edged a catch behind.
Root is demanding greater intensity at training and improved fitness from his players. But all the muscles in the world are worthless if you play daft shots.
And Root surely rues his decision to bat first on an overcast morning after plenty of rain fell during the night. Pakistan captain Sarfraz Ahmed was happy because he would have bowled first.
Pakistan finished day one of the First Test at Lord’s with 50-1 and already dreaming of an unlikely victory.
For England, Alastair Cook was solid and Bairstow and Ben Stokes promised something worthwhile before flattering to deceive. The rest scarcely merit a mention.
Mohammad Abbas, offering accuracy, a probing length and fingertip control, took four wickets, as did the skiddy, slippery Hasan Ali.
The ball swung lavishly at times and England’s batsmen did not possess the technique to repel the movement.
Mark Stoneman, already under pressure after failing to reach 30 for Surrey this season, missed one from Abbas that nipped through the gate.
The Geordie left-hander probably has three more innings in this series to save his England career.
For some reason best known to himself, Root aimed a massive drive at a ball from Hasan that was almost a metre wide of the stumps. He edged, wicketkeeper Sarfraz caught.
Root has agreed to move up to No.3 on a permanent basis after months of coaxing from head coach Trevor Bayliss. But the position brings even greater responsibility and he damn well can’t afford more wafts like that.
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Dawid Malan, stuck on the crease, couldn’t get his bat out of the line of another ball from Hasan and then Bairstow, elevated two slots to No.5, fell to a beauty from Faheem Ashraf that moved up the slope.
Left-armer Mohammad Amir found a way through the defence of left-hander Cook but not before Cook showed ten times the form and fluency he displayed recently in New Zealand. His feet were moving and he even unfurled his cover drive.
In his first game in England since the unfortunate incident in a Bristol street last September, Stokes batted with some authority and struck spinner Shadab Khan for the only six of the day – a mighty hoick over mid-wicket.
But, on 38, Stokes perished lbw on review and then Buttler, following his instructions to be aggressive no matter what, slashed in the next over and was superbly held at second slip by Asad Shafiq.
England’s innings tailed off rapidly as debutant Dominic Bess edged an attempted drive to slip, Stuart Broad was nailed leg before second ball and Mark Wood spliced an attempted pull to mid-on.
The final six wickets fell for 16 runs.
Later, Broad had Imam-ul-Haq lbw for four and Haris Sohail should have been held by Dawid Malan at second slip off Wood – but Stokes put him off by diving right in front of him.
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