It took an awfully long time to bowl my first ball in Australia. I was playing grade cricket in Perth in 1981 in front of half a dozen spectators and in the opposition for Melville were Graeme Wood and Dennis Lillee, who was coming back from major back surgery.
A left-hander (not Wood) was on strike when I was summoned to bowl. I set my field carefully like the good old English pro I was supposed to be and was about to propel my first delivery down under when there was a cacophonous yell from the man at deep square leg.
Related: Joe Root denies rift between Jimmy Anderson and England’s Ashes coaches
How about Armando Iannucci as England's scriptwriter of sledges? He can surely cut into the Aussies' psyche.
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