This is where we all are at the moment, gushing at news that Fulham’s teenage wing-back can use a household appliance
To south-west London, where startling news emerged when Fulham’s Supporters Trust held its AGM on Tuesday. An awed hush fell over the room as Alistair Mackintosh, the club’s CEO, told an anecdote that left everyone wiping away the tears. On one occasion this season, Mackintosh revealed, Ryan Sessegnon had a doping test after a night game and by the time he was done everyone had gone, the kit man included. So Sessegnon took his kit home, washed it and ironed it before bringing it in the next day.
The story ended there, leaving us to speculate whether Fulham saw fit to frame the hallowed kit in the boardroom at Craven Cottage or offered to donate it to the British Museum, but it wasn’t long before people on social media were talking about “a real nice touch from one of the nicest kids you’ll ever meet”. Some called for Sessegnon to be handed the Nobel Prize for Real Classy Touches. Greg Clarke, head of the Football Association, announced plans to sell Wembley to Sessegnon. Word filtered through to Steven Spielberg, who immediately bought the film rights. “Never has there been a greater act of selflessness,” the director of Schindler’s List said. “I’m thinking of calling it Washing Ryan’s Privates.”
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