Plus, Tua melts down, Bills rock Dolphins, what the Jets and Dolphins will do with top-three picks, and more.
Reacting and overreacting to everything that happened in the Week 17 Sunday afternoon games...
Things That Made Me Giddy
Baker Runs the Browns Into the Playoffs: As far as symbolic ways to end a lengthy playoff drought go, this was pretty much perfect. I pride myself on being the most cynical jerk in media and even I had goosebumps…
The Giants Deserve the NFC East: I mean that in the non-snarky sense. They are the only one of the division's four teams that can argue that they overachieved this season. We'll find out whether the football gods agree tonight.
Leonard Williams Saves… Something. Dave Gettleman’s Reputation?: The much-maligned trade acquisition was a monster all season, including three sacks in the regular-season finale against Dallas. Symbolically, Williams made the play of the season for the Giants with his sack of Andy Dalton on first-and-goal from the 7, setting up the comedy of errors that ended the game (though the play itself was simply a blown protection).
Josh Allen Eats the Dolphins’ Souls: The last three years included enough bad Josh Allen takes to power a mid-sized city, but there’s a special category for those who as recently as two months ago argued Tua Tagovailoa, not Allen, was the AFC East’s best quarterback.
Isaiah McKenzie Goes Wild: Three touchdowns in a seven-minute span during the second quarter—two receptions and an 84-yard punt return. The best team in the AFC East is the Buffalo Bills. The second-best team is the Buffalo Bills’ backups.
Cam’s Foxboro Finale: The Patriots had 404 yards of offense and 28 points in a season-ending win over the Jets. To be clear: He wasn’t good enough this season. But the characterization that he was a disaster or even a mistake is unfair. This all would have played out differently if the defense provided better complementary football—instead, due to opt-outs and free-agent defections, they went from one of the league’s best in 2019 to one of the league’s worst in ’20—and/or there was any kind of supporting cast for Newton. And if we’re playing hypotheticals, Football Team would have been far better off signing him instead of Kyle Allen if they were as uninterested in developing Dwayne Haskins as they revealed themselves to be. That said, with approximately four starting quarterbacks entering the league in April, Newton wouldn’t be settling for a bridge/mentor job in ’21—he’d be lucky to get it.
The Ravens Are a Top-Five Team: It wasn’t a murder’s row of opponents, but they have won five straight with an average margin of victory of 19.4 points. No one should want any part of this team in the playoffs. (I sure don’t—what, my 7-year-old is supposed to chase down J.K. Dobbins?)
Matthew Stafford Shines Again for the Franchise That Never Deserved Him: Thirty-five points with a short-handed offense, only to lose. If Stafford wants to stay as the Lions take on the years-long process of undoing the Bob Quinn Era, that’s his decision. He turns 33 in February. Here’s hoping the NFL’s most underappreciated superstar gets to play out his prime in an organization that is actually functional.
Nick Gates: Was in the head of Cowboys defenders all afternoon. Or, as the kids say, There’s my chippy (or, if they don’t say that, they should)…
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Regrets
The NFC East-Perfect End of Giants-Cowboys: A sack of Andy Dalton on a blown protection, followed by a drop by a wide-open CeeDee Lamb, followed by a Dalton prayer intercepted, followed by Wayne Gallman, needing only to fall down, getting stripped by some kind of poltergeist, followed by the different officials awarding that fumble to different teams, followed by officials ruling that Gallman had recovered the fumble with his butt, a la Adventure Time’s drop ball. It’s the only way it could end.
Wayne Gallman’s Fumble: This was after Gallman has gained the game-clinching first down and simply had to fall down and end the game. It was ruled a recovery by Gallman, which may or may not be true (it probably is not true). But it certainly saved Gallman from being a lifelong punchline.
One Last Missed Opportunity for Mike McCarthy: He clutched onto the challenge flag for dear life after a fourth-quarter third-down pass to Dante Pettis was incorrectly ruled complete. The lack of a challenge led to Graham Gano connecting on a 50-yard field goal to stretch the Giants’ lead to four, instead of Riley Dixon coming on to punt. The game (essentially) ended on Andy Dalton’s red-zone interception a few minutes later.
Tua’s Troubles: It was another deflating performance, in which the Dolphins didn’t move the ball against the Bills’ first-team defense, then barely moved it against Buffalo’s backups. There were a couple drops, but this performance was every bit as ugly as the box-score numbers (6.2 yards per attempt, 3 INTs, 62.5 rating) indicate. Overall, Tua’s first NFL stint was marked by overly cautious decision-making, a lack of pocket presence, middling arm talent, an inability to create his own time and space and a complete lack of trust in otherwise simple reads. The Dolphins will have a top-three pick in April, and looking from the outside it is simply not a valid argument that he’s a better prospect than more physically gifted talents in Justin Fields, Zach Wilson or Trey Lance. Tua was considered the high-floor prospect, but it’s probably time to reassess what constitutes high-floor as the “traits vs. production” debate is very much tipping toward “traits” over the past few draft classes.
A Bitter End for the Dolphins: The future is looking bright for Brian Flores’s squad, but Sunday showed just how big the gap is between Miami and Buffalo (as well as between Miami and Buffalo’s second-stringers) as far as the future of the AFC East goes.
Evan Engram’s Hands: His athleticism makes him such a weapon, and his tendency to not just drop easy passes, but deflect them straight up into the air when he does, makes him such a disaster. On an easy pitch-and-catch slant in the third quarter, he batted it into a Dallas defender’s hands, and the Cowboys capitalized with a touchdown soon after. He followed up with a brutal downfield drop on a first-and-25 on the ensuing drive.
Sweet Revenge Slips From Mason Rudolph’s Clutches: A little more than a year after nearly having his helmet permanently embedded in his skull by Myles Garrett, Rudolph kept the Steelers in it at Cleveland. He was a two-point conversion (which probably should’ve been flagged as pass interference) from tying it with a little more than a minute left.
Mike Evans’s Left Leg: He could not put weight on it after a non-contact injury late in the first quarter. The Bucs will travel to meet the NFC East champs next week.
The Adam Gase Era Comes to a Merciful End: The Jets led the Patriots in the second half, and a win would have given Gase victories over Bill Belichick with Ryan Tannehill, Jay Cutler and San Darnold. Now, as you know, in the Book of Revelation…
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Moments We’ll Tell Our Grandkids About
This Thing That Jaylon Smith Does: I’ve never seen someone so active while participating in a fight without actually fighting. At least he seems to be getting use out of the Billy Blanks VHS set Ben DiNucci got all his teammates for the holidays.
Andy Dalton’s Hand Gets Stomped: He has handing off backhanded and eventually bleeding through his glove after Leonard Williams stepped on him at the end of a third-quarter scramble.
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What We’ll Be Talking About This Week
Steelers-Browns Rematch!: Will it be Ben Roethlisberger or Mason Rudolph getting the start for the Steelers? Or Joshua Dobbs? Or Tommy Maddox? Or Bubby Brister? We’ll have to wait and see. But the rematch in Pittsburgh will be all about Baker Mayfield’s ability to handle what should be heavy pressure from a rested Steelers defense.
Intrigue at Picks 2 and 3: The Jets and Dolphins (who own the Texans’ pick) both have every reason to cut their losses and move on from their recent top-5 QBs. So... the intrigue is really what another franchise would give up for Sam Darnold or Tua Tagovailoa right now (if either team can get a Josh Rosen-to-Miami type deal—a Day 2 pick—they should jump on it).
The Futures of Stafford and Matt Ryan: If you’re playing matchmaker, Ryan reuniting with Kyle Shanahan would provide a level of stability the 49ers don’t have with Jimmy Garoppolo. And Stafford would elevate the Patriots, Steelers, Bears or Football Team to Super Bowl contention.
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