10 of the weirdest football-related robberies (featuring unhappy 'Arry's invoice and more)

1. All-too-brief problem in South Africa England had already been caught with their pants down by Germany at the 2010 World Cup, but to add insult to incompetence, the players returned to their Rustenburg hotel to find out that their smalls had gone walkabouts too. “The designer briefs vanished from their luxury rooms in an orgy of thieving by hotel skivvies,” panted The Sun. The light-fingered cleaners paid a heavy price, though, being jailed for three years for their underpants heist. 2. Andy’s returnof the Mac It’s safe to say Andy van der Meyde had enjoyed better weeks when, shortly after having his drink spiked, thieves broke into his house and carted off witha Ferrari, a Mini Cooper, eight Rolex watches(yes, eight!)and a dog called Mac. The thieves then demanded a £5,000 ransom for the pup. “We only report a dog stolen if we have a crime reference number,” barkedthe Missing Pets Bureau. Thankfully, dog and owner werereunited three days later. 3.‘Arry’s ’ad enough Harry Redknapp’s Christmas cheer went out of the window whena 1995 invoice demanding payment fora Yuletide night that had got slightly out of hand was nicked from the then-West Ham manager’s Chadwell Heath training ground office and leaked to a Sunday tabloid. “I wouldn’t describe the person who stole the letters from my office as a mole,” he told the Evening Standard. “He was more of a rat.” Harsh words. 4.Golden Balls’ golden car When David Beckham’sarmour-platedBMW was spirited away from an undergroundcar park duringa Good Friday family lunch in April 2006, the £70,000 motor soon found a good home – with the Macedonian government. The vehicle reportedly changed hands20 times before it ended up in the Balkans, so interior minister Gordana Jankulovska put a stopto that – and kept it for herself. “If Beckham asks for the vehicleback I will hand him the key myself,” smiled the politician after Becks didn’t come forward to claim it, before adding:“I’m a big fan.” Well, you would be. 5.The vanishingRanger Rover You’d imagine stealing a Range Rover while the owner is standing next to it – with the police, no less – would bea tough gig. Not so for two Newcastle youths who pilfered former MagpieNile Ranger’s ride while he was being breathalysed. The car – easily identified, given it was painted black and white with ‘Ranger’ emblazoned on the bonnet and ‘Power Ranger’ on the boot – was recovered in the city centre soon after. 6.“It wasn’t memate, honest” Goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek was sunning himself on holiday when almost£100,000’s worth of Champions League winner’s medal, 100 match shirtsand the Pole’s Porsche Carrera were stolen from his Merseyside home.The stash was eventually found in the house of an Everton supporter who claims he was keeping hold of them fora friend. Of course he was. 7.Beware Big Dunc when he needs a seat Only the galactically stupid wouldgo out of their way to steal fromScottish man-mountain Duncan Ferguson, so the two separate burglars who went on the rob at the former Everton striker’s home must have cursed their luck at being caught in the act. One spent two days in hospital for his trouble in 2003; the other – two years earlier – was apprehended by Big Dunc,who sat on the intruder until thepolice arrived a few hours later.8.Big Ears goesfor a big walk Just days after winning the 1982 European Cup, Aston Villa heroes Gordon Cowans and Colin Gibsonwere invited to show off the club’s glistening new trophy at the equally-glittering Fox Pub near Tamworth. A few beers into a game of darts, Villa’s heroes noticed something. The cup had gone. It eventually turned up 100 miles awayat a police station in Sheffield, where the officers on duty staged their own European Cup final through the night to see who could get their hands on the silverware. 9.“Er, didn’t itused to be gold?” When the Jakarta Cup disappeared from a display case after Rosario Central had beaten the Indonesian national team and Benfica in 1975,the resourceful miscreant replaced the solid gold trophy with another made of “glossy paper and glitter”. It was recovered in the late ’80s, minus a few diamonds, and the thief still walks the streets of Rosario in Argentina with impunity. And limited artistic talent. 10. Johnson’stoilet humour Glen Johnson was helping his mateto buy a bathroom in January 2007when he was busted for inadvertently placing one toilet seat in the box of another. The difference between the seats was £2.35 but BQ clearly thought they’d caught a criminal mastermind. “We just burst out laughing, thinking: ‘Where’s Jeremy Beadle?’” laughed the defender two years later. “What thief walks through the till?” Not a very good one. This feature originally appeared in the December 2014 issue of FourFourTwo.Subscribe! New features every day on FourFourTwo.com