Guardiola has signed the one A-list goalscorer who looks an awkward fit but target men have thrived under him beforeOn the face of it this looks like the most basic piece of maths. Here is a move that can never be the wrong move. When life gives you lemons, sign Erling Haaland. When your squad doesn’t have a first-team player whose chief skill is scoring goals, sign Erling Haaland. When six years of careful team-building brings you a Champions League semi-final exit with 31 shots at goal: sign Erling Haaland.To date Haaland’s career has been a kind of extended marketing programme, a showcase for his preternatural ability to do exactly this. Here we have the cheat code player, a bolt-on...
When a superclub finally buys the Dortmund striker it’s worth remembering this is real money – your TV subscription, match ticket and advertising valueIn the end it was probably the private zoo that did it. Or the hall of mirrors. Or the talk in the bread queues of drunken banquets where the mille-feuille flowed like wine. Perhaps it was the queen’s private faux-rustic village where she pretended to be a farmhand while glugging porcelain jugs of cream at her marbled bench. I don’t know about you, fellow peasants. But I feel objectified.Either way historians agree that the March on Versailles, a key event in the French revolution, was sparked by the sense that all this boundless excess – those mirrors,...
Spending returned to pre-pandemic levels but that is not a cause for optimism with salaries increasingly unsustainable“Somehow it seemed as though the farm had grown richer without making the animals themselves any richer.”So apparently it’s all fine now. European football’s winter window has closed. Premier League spending levels have returned to the upward curve of endless growth. The football locomotive powered entirely by self-replenishing gravy continues to rattle along the tracks at harum-scarum speed, still belching out fat hot greasy plumes of smoke and disgorging its load in the old familiar stops. Continue reading...
The travails of the traditional European elite as new money dominated the transfer window suggest things have changedIn times of crisis, the winners are usually the rich. As clubs across Europe continue to struggle against the financial impact of the pandemic, the lesson of this transfer window is that the powerful are mopping up. Or at least they are if they are well-run, which rules out the two Spanish giants and several clubs in Italy.The transfers of the two players who have defined football for a generation understandably generated great excitement, with fans camping out at the airport in Paris to welcome Lionel Messi and queuing round the block to buy a shirt with his name on the back while...
Returning superstar will certainly score goals, but his chief use at Old Trafford will be as a celebrity content providerWelcome to Unitedland! With an array of nostalgic installations and familiar faces, there’s something for everyone to enjoy! Gawp at the scorer of the winning goal from the 1999 Champions League in his very own technical area! Gaze on the goalscorer from the 2008 Champions League final grazing just outside the penalty area! Even the roof has that retro feel! Season tickets start at just £532.There was a time when clubs found jobs for former players gladhanding in corporate hospitality. Manchester United have gone much further. With Ole Gunnar Solskjær installed as manager and Cristiano Ronaldo up front, you wonder which...